You got this!

Calm down.   

Relax. 

Control your emotions.  Think before you speak.  
Engage brain before opening mouth. It’s not a big deal. 

You’re too emotional.  It is what it is.   (Need I continue?)

How many times have we heard someone say this to us?  How many times have we ignored this advice and continued on our merry way down the well trodden path of defending   and explaining our actions?  

How many times have we let our emotions take control and run away with our mouths instead of taking heed of good advice, taking a deep breath, and being quiet?  

Like Narcissus in the pond, our focus can often times be Me, me, me, me, me.  And we want everyone else to know this.  And we want the world to hear how we feel, what we think and what we KNOW.  This is natural.

If someone tells us to calm down or relax or be quiet, we get our backs up, and we want to roar and we want to be heard.  How many times has someone said to you “Just relax, calm down.  It’s not a big deal”?

How many times?

For me, this has happened a multitude of times.  In fact it has happened more times than I care to recall, but it has only been in the past few months that I have had the forbearance to actually take note.  

I remember once, I was about 12 years old and my dad was saying, as I was quite agitated over something that had just occurred,  “Calm down Lori Pori, Stop.  Relax. You’re so emotional. Listen!”   Well of course he was right, but I was upset.  I was  in a panic.  I had things I needed to say.  I felt, I needed, I wanted,  I was staring at my own self reflection, cloudy though the mirror may have been, and I couldn’t see anyone else.  I could not hear anything else.

Calm down.   He said. 

Relax.  He said.

Control your emotions, he said.

But I could not.  I was upset.  I was fiery.  I was stubborn.  And I was not about to let anyone tell me what to do.  Least of all a Dad who had barely been there for me.  What did he know?  (Turns out, he’s quite the wise man).

Calm down?  Relax?  Don’t be so emotional? 

Although these are trigger words for me, loaded, personal, And poignant, they are, in fact some of the most important words ever spoken and quite probably some of the best advice I have ever received, and ignored and ignored and ignored.  

You know, we get fired up, we want to be right, we want to explain ourselves and have the  world understand us, and have others agree with us and relate, and want to help. 

And there are times when this is ok.  But the plain truth is, there are times, when none of this really matters.  
When we are emotional and not thinking clearly and stuck inside our own heads and can only see through Narcissuses’ mirror,  the only thing to do is stop.  

And breathe, and focus. 

And listen.

There are many times in life, when all we need to do is just be still, be quiet, listen. There are many situations in life which call for us to calm down, or to relax, or to think before we speak.  

There are situations out of our control, things that do not apply to us, words that need not be spoken, and thoughts that need not be shared.  Life is just that way. 

Of course, there are also times in life when our opinions do count, our thoughts DO matter and people want and need to hear what we have to say.  

But when we are fired up and emotional and not thinking clearly, is not the time to share every thought that enters our head.  When we feel like this, the best solution is to stop, take a breath or two, and instead of looking, like Narcissus into a pond that only reflects our own face, take a step back, change perspective, and see a great big world  as  something enormous that we  are part of.  

There is not just one face in that shallow self reflecting pond, but a whole big world of faces.  A whole big world of which we are an intricate part.  Like a well oiled machine, each gear has to work properly in order for the machine to work. 

I realize that not everyone has this problem, but for those of you who can realte to me, I offer some advice.  This has taken me many many years and a lot of trial and error, to be able to understand and practice (not yet mastered) this task.  

The best way I have found to keep myself in check (and trust me, I have come to realize this after many failed attempts and face palms and "oh shit!"s) is to slow down, take a pause, close the mouth, take a breath – and stop. 

Give yourself a focal point, someting outside of your immediate situatiuon and use some power words if need be.  Not right now.  I’m not going there.  It is what it is, etc.  This takes the focus from all that noise inside your head and puts it on a bigger point outside of you. Helps you to relax and calm down.

Often, if we do this, we will find, that, unlike narcissus, gazing into the pond and seeing only his self staring back, there is a whole other world out there, which although we are a part of, requires nothing from us, but to sit back, be still and relax. 

Life can be overwhelming.  

Shit gets hard.

Calm down

Relax

You got this! 

LVP2015